Playing the spoon
March 18, 2006
I went out with my buddy Jeong Woo tonight with 3
girls. One of them was one of the cutest girls I've ever seen.
I've been helping Jeong Woo with his English and one of the bad
things I've taught him is "freaking" and it's many uses. He
first described her to me as "really really freaking cute." He
was right. We hung out at a restaurant and ate galbi (marinated
pork) & some weird snake like sea creature that I think was from the
eel family. We also drank Soju which is a very popular liquor
here made from rice.
Before the night was done, Jeong Woo asked me to sing
a song for him and our guests. Specifically, a song I wrote
called "I don't have a girlfriend." The song is from my
Chicago days when I graduated from The Second City. By the
way, I can't sing one bit. Singing is very very popular in
Korea. There's a karaoke place on almost every street corner
like Starbucks or McDonalds in America. I actually sound
like a large buffalo getting beat with a lead pipe when I sing, so
it's not only a funny song because of the words, but even more
humorous to hear me singing horribly...at least I think it's funny.
I wrote the song after visiting a mailbox on a random
Friday night in Chicago. I was standing on the street corner
looking around and realized that I had no plans that evening.
I also didn't have plans for Saturday night either. As a
matter of fact, I hadn't had weekend in plans for quite some time
and didn't have any weekend plans in the foreseeable future.
At that moment, I realized that everyone around me had someone but
me.
Two kids were playing in the sand nearby. A
married couple walked their child across the street hand in hand.
Two gay guys rode by on bikes...even they had someone! I
immediately went home and began writing a poem. I often write
poetry if I'm feeling sad or if a friend is feeling sad. I
write it to express my feelings or to cheer other people up.
As I began writing, I realized that it wasn't really a somber poem.
It had a chance to be a funny song. One of the classic rules
of comedy is "nothing is funnier than the truth." And to
me...this is a perfect example.
I didn't have the small guitar that I normally use
for it, so I grabbed a spoon and sang away. I don't remember
the whole song, but here's a little bit of it:
"I don't have a girlfriend"
by: Trent
(Sung slowly and sadly)
I don't have a girlfriend.
I've never really had.
Girls don't seem to like me.
And it makes me kind of sad.
I try not to think about it.
Cuz it makes me wanna cry.
So I keep my head up.
Keep looking toward the sky.
Cuz one day I'll be rich and famous.
Then maybe they'll be the one who's sad.
And...then...I...can...say...
(Sung quickly and happily)
Fuck you! Fuck you!
You don't really deserve me!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Go to hell and kiss my ass!
What I learned
today about Korea: 1) A big ass American singing "Fuck
you!" in the middle of a restaurant is funny.
